1. |
Déjà Vu
04:37
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Resurrect all that is left
You’ll have to start again
These changes won’t save
But it’s better that way
Cause you’re trying to grow
Oh, it’s so hard to grow
Oh, to trust in your heart when it’s time to let go
I never wanted all of this
Neglect is cold as snow
And now I don’t care where you went
Because I’d rather be alone.
He didn’t stall for long when the engine stood still
A man will die soon after he neglects his force of will
The devil’s dues may pay his way, but it’s time he’ll have to kill
Time doesn’t wait, never forgets, and it doesn’t care
Doesn’t care ha ha ha. I fell out
I been drinking, who wants to know?
I shoulda headed South
What was I thinking?
Well who wants to know?
I cut them all out.
Serves them right, it was a long time coming
I’m reminding myself
Practice what you preach, cause this is how real boundaries are formed
Now they unsheathe the knife and push you in their court
Gladiator, take your mark, and now you’ll kill for sport
You’ll turn into a monster, and they only watch because they’re bored
Cross my heart, my soul to save, send the report
This season never ends
The yawn of the Poconos tickles magnolia trees
Where the woodchucks are raising their daughters
The perfume of change on the leaves
As the rivers all freeze
And the fawn all seek shelter from hunters
The quick will survive, while the meek will provide
A winter of food, and some warmth in your hide
This can not be strange to you
No, this can not be strange to you, or
Have you forgotten how this ends?
Your anger is your tomb
Learn the lesson once again
You’re having déjà vu
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2. |
The Fog
04:06
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It takes the heat, on a day like today
To send me to the garage with you to get some shade
And it takes the bite, well, most good drugs do
You’re getting your fix from the needle, I’m getting my fix for you
And I will never be your heroine
Not for my lack of, lack of trying
You left me, I was broken
No longer, your trophy
Why would I wanna be the habit you’re always kicking?
Was it ever a wonder, how it was always my fault?
You couldn’t just leave me with something
When you could instead take it all
It’s just kind of odd, that you always knew what to do
You were once all I needed in a man
But I’d never be enough for you
No, I’d never be enough for
And I will never be your heroin
Not for my lack of, lack of trying
You left me, I was broken
No longer, your trophy
Why would I wanna be the habit you’re always kicking?
And it gives you time to think
That this boat’s big enough for us to sink
And it gives you time to grieve
And find answers to questions like Why did you leave?
It’s the calm before the rain
It’s the haunting reminder that nothing will change
It’s the fog formed off the beach
On another cold morning
Beside you, still snoring, asleep
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3. |
The Storm
03:42
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Oh, they say there’s a storm coming for you
Yeah, they say there’s a storm coming for you
And I hope you lock your doors
And I hope that what they say ain’t true
Cause if it is, boy there’s a storm, coming for you
And don’t you tell me no more lies, no, I want the truth
Cause both you and I know that I deserve the truth
Cause you lead me onto believe, for over 6 fucking weeks
But I guess loving you at all was like loving a ghost
Cause we take two steps and, clearly we’re going nowhere!
We’re just wasting all our time
We must be a sight of confusion, or maybe just a sight for sore eyes
And oh, by now, I’ve learned a thing or two
But that’s bound to happen when you’ve got nobody else but you
So I know where I’m going, when I feel that cold wind blowing
But like I said, that’s cause by now I’ve learned a thing or two
Like you don’t shit where you eat my fucking heart out
You’ll swear you should’ve been warned
I thought it was common knowledge
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
And I hope that when the rain comes for you
You’re a little too late, just a little too late
To find your way back home
And away you are swept with the hurt, and the pain
And the grief, and the shame that you left me
On the day that you left me
But we both know, it was long before then
So bring the thunder and the rain
This storm is bringing a change
And I ain’t afraid for me but boy I swear
I’m glad that I ain’t you
I’m glad that I ain’t you
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4. |
25
03:13
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Another day, another reason, ‘nother changing of the season
Endless pushing myself forward, everyday feels like the worst day of my life
End now I wish I never even tried
It’s so ridiculously boring
Just habitually avoiding
Any complex conversation
Seems the human race is doomed to live a lie
And now I must find how I will survive
Please tell me what I am
I don’t feel like a man
I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew
I’m scared of dying but I’m scared of living too
I’ve never really felt like I belonged
I don’t feel like people listen, or ever really wanna talk
So now I’m always dreaming of a life that feels like home
Somehow I must make it on my own
I wonder how else I should play
What other moves left I should make
Or is the lesson that I’m learning just to amputate before you cauterize?
It’s something that I’ve learned a thousand times
It’s like you warn them not to show up, cause eventually, you blow it
Their response is just outrageous
Cause they knew you were this crazy the whole time
But the adage says two wrongs don’t make it right
Please tell me what I am
I don’t feel like a man
I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew
I’m scared of dying but I’m scared of living too
Walk on alone
Until I’ve learned my lesson, a thousand and first time shown
It makes things less confusing when I’m the only one I trust
What could be is as frustrating as what was
What could be is as frustrating as what was
What could be is as frustrating as what was
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5. |
Aculeus (The Sting)
03:20
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I’m not attracted to the way that you feel, so am I out of my mind?
I’m way too anxious so I can’t keep it real. Somedays it’s hard to define
I break my back so all my demons can relax, ain’t momma good to you?
I’m not too patient, but I’m vicious and vivacious
I don’t play games so I don’t lose
I like it hot, I like it cold. Unpredictable and bold
And I think that part of who I am is part of the problem at hand
Hey, oh yeah, alright boy you’re looking like you want it
Cause I like it hot, I like it cold. Unpredictable and bold
And I think that part of who I am is part of what’s driving you mad
I’m wise, well-traveled, and I’ve learned half a lot from, the other half I’ve seen
Why bury the hatchet when you lose half the plot and I grow stronger excavating?
No longer buried in the pet cemetary I’m laying these demons to rest
I’m pushing forward cause there ain’t no turning backward
Not since I burned the last bridge
Hey, oh yeah, alright girl you know I fucking want you
Cause I like it hot, I like it cold. Unpredictable and bold
My favorite part of who I am
Oh yeah
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6. |
||||
I said ‘I’m with it, and I’m down to kick it
Let’s forget all the dumb bullshit and just get lifted
I said that I’m sorry, now are you down to party?
Rolled us up a spliff, let’s flip the lid and get it started, yeah
And you’re climbing through my window when you leave the door locked
And you’re calling me a bitch now when you’re in too hot
Wait a minute, get a grip now, before you get the nerve
To put the pedal to the floor and make a wrong turn
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na naaaaaa
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na naaaaaa
He said ‘It sucks, bet you 5 fucking bucks man
I call up chicken nugget girl and then we’re gonna fuck
I said, ‘It’s nice to hear us laugh and think about the past cause
Spring is on its way and this past
Winter’s kicked our ass man, trashcan
So now we’re smoking in the basement, drinking Old Crow
And we tuned up the Ibanez, so we could sing every song we know
Cause Bonnie didn’t have to die man, but she shot up
Slug said he couldn’t find the narcan, but we can’t trust that fuck
No, we can’t trust him
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na naaaaaa
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na naaaaaa
She told us how she’d like to go and see the dope kid
We told her ‘no’, I guess she thought we all were joking
The story splits from there, what time he found her in his bed
But by the time the paramedics came, they did all that they could, yeah
So now we’re hanging up your pictures, over a black sheet
And our friends are coming over, bringing enough to eat
Your things fit in two big boxes we sent down to New Orleans
We were reimbursed for the postage, but not for future unseen
So now I’m smoking in the basement
I’m tryna figure how I’m fucking supposed to make rent
Wondering since you died, if you would change how all your time was spent
Cause I don’t wanna die and wanna change how all my time was spent
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7. |
The Plan
03:27
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I guess I shouldn’t hesitate
To learn all that I can, before it might be too late
I guess I thought I might’ve been there by now
I guess I didn’t know it’d be so hard
Telling my momma I’m gonna make you more proud
Telling myself that I don’t know how
As confusing as it seems, we all still have our dreams
One day I’m gonna wake up in me someday
Cause if I don’t, I’d rather not wake up at all
The hardest thing that I’ve learned
Is to love me even though it hurts
Cause not being able to love me just seems worse
And It can’t get worse than being ignored
I’m sick of being ignored, why was I always ignored?
I’m not standing here for my health
To my sisters, I have cried. For my father, I have died
And ever lover who’s put their fucking hands around my neck
Why aren’t you sorry yet?
One day I’m gonna wake up in me someday
Cause if I don’t, I’d rather not wake up at all
The hardest thing that I’ve learned
Is to love me even though it hurts
Cause not being able to love me just seems worse
Low, low, low. I’m sick of feeling so low, low, low
I’m tired of acting so hopeless. I’m sick of feeling so broken
Low, low, low. I’m sick of feeling so low, low, low
I’m tired of acting so hopeless. I’m sick of feeling so broken
We live to learn. We live to fight
And wait our turn, and do what’s right
As confusing as it seems, we all still have our dreams
One day I’m gonna wake up in me someday
Cause if I don’t, I’d rather not wake up at all
The hardest thing that I’ve learned, is to love me even though it hurts
And it still hurts. Even if it always hurts
Not being able to love me still seems worse
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8. |
||||
I can’t seem to live my life with consistency, no matter how hard I try, and I don’t know which is worse
Feeling like ‘I shouldn’t hurt’ or living so comfortably with pain, that it’s all I feel, and all I look for
This! Is my end of the world
This! Is me falling apart again
Yeah, this! Is just towing the line for me, cause who’m I kidding? People never change
Maybe this is just growing up. Friendships keep falling apart for me
So maybe it’s naïve to try to think that I should just keep giving. No, it’s my turn, give me time
You’re everywhere I wish you weren’t
You’re with me every chance you can make it hurt these days, you make everything worse
I can’t help being who I am, though I’ve tried so hard
I’ve failed at every turn and I, I don’t know which hurts worse
They say your past can’t define you. Though, nowadays, they try to undermine you, woah!
This! Is my end of the world
This! Is me falling apart again
Yeah, this! Is just towing the line for me, cause who’m I kidding?
People never change
Maybe this is just growing up. Friendships keep falling apart for me
So maybe it’s naïve to try to think that I should just keep giving. No, its my turn, give me time
And I said this! Is my end of the world
This! Is me falling apart again
Yeah, this! Is just towing the line for me, cause who’m I kidding? People never change
Maybe this is just growing up. You said I’d never make it, till my heart just couldn’t take it
Friendships keep falling apart for me
And nothing that I said would change your mind, or make you kind, or take the time, on me
So is it naïve to try to think that I should just keep giving?
No, it's my turn, give me time
Give me time
No, it’s my turn, give me time
Piss off, I’m gonna be fine
Yeah, it’s my turn
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9. |
The Edge of September
03:45
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I’m pinning my hope on the edge of September
And praying the payoff’s not too far away
I’m trying to focus and change for the better
Breakdown’s cause breakthroughs, I’m reminded each day
I feel dead on arrival. It’s a byproduct of all of this pain bottled up
And this pain gets recycled, by my heart’s symphony, save the last dance for misery
There must be somewhere else these thoughts could be
Instead of in my head, in my chest, cause they’re torturing me
Yeah, I’m sick to death, sick to death
I’m just tryna be happy, yeah, I’m the life of the party
Now I’m telling myself that they can’t all be bad days
And someday, I’ll look back, when things make more sense
And I’ll see myself there, through the tears, and the heartache
And reach out to grab my own heart, with two hands
Cause the smoke is clearing, or maybe the wind has just changed directions
Either way, it’s relieving, cause you can’t wait forever
But you can’t live your life on the run
There must be somewhere else these thoughts could be
Instead of in my head, in my chest, cause they’re torturing me
Yeah, I’m sick to death, sick to death
I’m just tryna be happy, yeah, I’m the life of the party
Oh, I tell the truth, but there’s no reason, cause everyone’s a heathen
No, no one feels better. No, nobody’s safe
Cause if you’ve seen what I’ve seen
With emotions like tsunamis
You’d change your perspective, before you got buried in pain
And OH! You’d better act fast!
Because, your youth doesn’t last, now it’s all in the past
So I’m pinning my hope on the edge of September
And praying the payoff’s not too far away
I’m trying to focus and change for the better
Breakdown’s cause breakthroughs, I’m reminded each day
And so, if nobody hears me
My soul will still echo with the wrinkles in time
In a place where everything’s dancing
The day casts the shadow to remind us we’re part of the night
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10. |
The Coal
03:59
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Well, maybe it’s your time. Time to fight, time to feel
To do not just what’s right, but what will help you heal
Cause now that the storm has lifted, it’s left you with this view
What the hell will you do?
And I think you oughta know the truth hurts
Darlin, the truth hurts.
You don’t believe it can get any worse
But sometimes, it just only gets worse, and you oughta know that by now
You’ve gotta fight just as hard as you can, both fists on the table
And you’ve gotta know when it’s time to let go, just as soon as the rain falls
Oh! I wash up on the stone, leave me alone like the evergreens, so in time, I too, may grow
And growth, tends to have a price
You’re curbing the habit, and cutting the dead weight cause
Maybe it’s your time. Time to fight, time to feel.
To do not just what’s right, but what will help you heal
Cause now that the storm has lifted, it’s left you with this view
What the hell will you do?
And I think you try to make your words hurt
Yeah, I think you like knocking me down
You’re daft if you think that it’s working
You’re not an anchor, I’m not gonna drown
No, nobody ever held me back
You’ve gotta learn how to focus your goals, to harness your power
And you’ve gotta know when they’re just blowing smoke, tryna knock down your tower
Oh! Trust and believe, those you love can be thieves, and what they take, it doesn’t come back easily
So take everything that I have, but there’s no use in smiling in my face while you’re stabbing me in the back
Right in the back, you preplanned the attack. Are you ready to fight for this?
Cause I can’t shake the feeling maybe it’s my time
Time to fight, time to feel. To do not just what’s right, but what will help me heal
Cause now that the storm has lifted, it’s left me with this view
It’s up to you what you do
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11. |
Harvestman
04:45
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There they are, the harvestman
Kicking up their dust again
Of nature’s call, in crows canyon
These souls sewn in by gusts of wind
Harvestman. Harvestman
These females of the desert, grow so strong by the right hand
But these cowards in the distance, sound like treason to me, friend
And I could not see, for centipedes, drove thistle by the grove
To rivers green, and clovers weaved, these weary feet grow old
Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. para hoy y para siempre I belong to the mountain
Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. el sol llamará al corazón de la luna bring me back again
Oh, when you take me, bring my bones to the mountain
The coyotes still will sing to me, if they can see the stars
I feel their pulse inside me, Autumn’s strange, familiar frost
And I could not speak, for Aspen leaves, stuck bitter to me, cold
And I could not leave, or shake the fear, of death’s ferocious pull
Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. para hoy y para siempre I belong to the mountain
Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. el sol llamará al corazón de la luna bring me back again
Oh, when you take me, bring my bones to the mountain
I smell it now, it’s everywhere. It’s part of who I am
This soul it weeps, when trouble speaks, through warbler’s beaks again
And I could not grow, for cottonwoods would clog the crick below
And I could not ask to take things back when it begins to snow
Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. para hoy y para siempre I belong to the mountain
Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. el sol llamará al corazón de la luna bring me back again
Oh, when you take me, bring my bones to the mountain
A Meager stack of lilacs wrapped, found placed upon my door
The harvestman comes now for me, as fire greets the stars
And I could not grieve, for silently, I knew just where we’d go
But after that, the dark comes fast, least that’s just what I’m told
Yeah, that’s just what I’m told
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12. |
Déjà Vu (Reprise)
01:26
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I’ve done this before
Pushed away from it all
I never had a chance
The regrets just don’t hurt
Like you figured they would
Yeah, this ain’t my first time
Oh, I wanna know where the lightning ends
When it streaks across the sky
Yeah, I wanna know where who I am
Meets what I’ve left behind
No, you’ll never get it back
Where you’ve been keeps
What you’ve lost
Yeah, there is no real conclusion
Are we memories, or thought?
Are we memories or thought?
Are we memories or
I’ve done this before
Pushed away from it all
Yeah, I never had a chance
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Erin Incoherent Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Punk rock singer-songwriter in South Philadelphia.
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