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Déjà Vu

by Erin Incoherent

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1.
Déjà Vu 04:37
Resurrect all that is left You’ll have to start again These changes won’t save But it’s better that way Cause you’re trying to grow Oh, it’s so hard to grow Oh, to trust in your heart when it’s time to let go I never wanted all of this Neglect is cold as snow And now I don’t care where you went Because I’d rather be alone. He didn’t stall for long when the engine stood still A man will die soon after he neglects his force of will The devil’s dues may pay his way, but it’s time he’ll have to kill Time doesn’t wait, never forgets, and it doesn’t care Doesn’t care ha ha ha. I fell out I been drinking, who wants to know? I shoulda headed South What was I thinking? Well who wants to know? I cut them all out. Serves them right, it was a long time coming I’m reminding myself Practice what you preach, cause this is how real boundaries are formed Now they unsheathe the knife and push you in their court Gladiator, take your mark, and now you’ll kill for sport You’ll turn into a monster, and they only watch because they’re bored Cross my heart, my soul to save, send the report This season never ends The yawn of the Poconos tickles magnolia trees Where the woodchucks are raising their daughters The perfume of change on the leaves As the rivers all freeze And the fawn all seek shelter from hunters The quick will survive, while the meek will provide A winter of food, and some warmth in your hide This can not be strange to you No, this can not be strange to you, or Have you forgotten how this ends? Your anger is your tomb Learn the lesson once again You’re having déjà vu
2.
The Fog 04:06
It takes the heat, on a day like today To send me to the garage with you to get some shade And it takes the bite, well, most good drugs do You’re getting your fix from the needle, I’m getting my fix for you And I will never be your heroine Not for my lack of, lack of trying You left me, I was broken No longer, your trophy Why would I wanna be the habit you’re always kicking? Was it ever a wonder, how it was always my fault? You couldn’t just leave me with something When you could instead take it all It’s just kind of odd, that you always knew what to do You were once all I needed in a man But I’d never be enough for you No, I’d never be enough for And I will never be your heroin Not for my lack of, lack of trying You left me, I was broken No longer, your trophy Why would I wanna be the habit you’re always kicking? And it gives you time to think That this boat’s big enough for us to sink And it gives you time to grieve And find answers to questions like Why did you leave? It’s the calm before the rain It’s the haunting reminder that nothing will change It’s the fog formed off the beach On another cold morning Beside you, still snoring, asleep
3.
The Storm 03:42
Oh, they say there’s a storm coming for you Yeah, they say there’s a storm coming for you And I hope you lock your doors And I hope that what they say ain’t true Cause if it is, boy there’s a storm, coming for you And don’t you tell me no more lies, no, I want the truth Cause both you and I know that I deserve the truth Cause you lead me onto believe, for over 6 fucking weeks But I guess loving you at all was like loving a ghost Cause we take two steps and, clearly we’re going nowhere! We’re just wasting all our time We must be a sight of confusion, or maybe just a sight for sore eyes And oh, by now, I’ve learned a thing or two But that’s bound to happen when you’ve got nobody else but you So I know where I’m going, when I feel that cold wind blowing But like I said, that’s cause by now I’ve learned a thing or two Like you don’t shit where you eat my fucking heart out You’ll swear you should’ve been warned I thought it was common knowledge Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned And I hope that when the rain comes for you You’re a little too late, just a little too late To find your way back home And away you are swept with the hurt, and the pain And the grief, and the shame that you left me On the day that you left me But we both know, it was long before then So bring the thunder and the rain This storm is bringing a change And I ain’t afraid for me but boy I swear I’m glad that I ain’t you I’m glad that I ain’t you
4.
25 03:13
Another day, another reason, ‘nother changing of the season Endless pushing myself forward, everyday feels like the worst day of my life End now I wish I never even tried It’s so ridiculously boring Just habitually avoiding Any complex conversation Seems the human race is doomed to live a lie And now I must find how I will survive Please tell me what I am I don’t feel like a man I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew I’m scared of dying but I’m scared of living too I’ve never really felt like I belonged I don’t feel like people listen, or ever really wanna talk So now I’m always dreaming of a life that feels like home Somehow I must make it on my own I wonder how else I should play What other moves left I should make Or is the lesson that I’m learning just to amputate before you cauterize? It’s something that I’ve learned a thousand times It’s like you warn them not to show up, cause eventually, you blow it Their response is just outrageous Cause they knew you were this crazy the whole time But the adage says two wrongs don’t make it right Please tell me what I am I don’t feel like a man I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew I’m scared of dying but I’m scared of living too Walk on alone Until I’ve learned my lesson, a thousand and first time shown It makes things less confusing when I’m the only one I trust What could be is as frustrating as what was What could be is as frustrating as what was What could be is as frustrating as what was
5.
I’m not attracted to the way that you feel, so am I out of my mind? I’m way too anxious so I can’t keep it real. Somedays it’s hard to define I break my back so all my demons can relax, ain’t momma good to you? I’m not too patient, but I’m vicious and vivacious I don’t play games so I don’t lose I like it hot, I like it cold. Unpredictable and bold And I think that part of who I am is part of the problem at hand Hey, oh yeah, alright boy you’re looking like you want it Cause I like it hot, I like it cold. Unpredictable and bold And I think that part of who I am is part of what’s driving you mad I’m wise, well-traveled, and I’ve learned half a lot from, the other half I’ve seen Why bury the hatchet when you lose half the plot and I grow stronger excavating? No longer buried in the pet cemetary I’m laying these demons to rest I’m pushing forward cause there ain’t no turning backward Not since I burned the last bridge Hey, oh yeah, alright girl you know I fucking want you Cause I like it hot, I like it cold. Unpredictable and bold My favorite part of who I am Oh yeah
6.
I said ‘I’m with it, and I’m down to kick it Let’s forget all the dumb bullshit and just get lifted I said that I’m sorry, now are you down to party? Rolled us up a spliff, let’s flip the lid and get it started, yeah And you’re climbing through my window when you leave the door locked And you’re calling me a bitch now when you’re in too hot Wait a minute, get a grip now, before you get the nerve To put the pedal to the floor and make a wrong turn Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na naaaaaa Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na naaaaaa He said ‘It sucks, bet you 5 fucking bucks man I call up chicken nugget girl and then we’re gonna fuck I said, ‘It’s nice to hear us laugh and think about the past cause Spring is on its way and this past Winter’s kicked our ass man, trashcan So now we’re smoking in the basement, drinking Old Crow And we tuned up the Ibanez, so we could sing every song we know Cause Bonnie didn’t have to die man, but she shot up Slug said he couldn’t find the narcan, but we can’t trust that fuck No, we can’t trust him Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na naaaaaa Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na naaaaaa She told us how she’d like to go and see the dope kid We told her ‘no’, I guess she thought we all were joking The story splits from there, what time he found her in his bed But by the time the paramedics came, they did all that they could, yeah So now we’re hanging up your pictures, over a black sheet And our friends are coming over, bringing enough to eat Your things fit in two big boxes we sent down to New Orleans We were reimbursed for the postage, but not for future unseen So now I’m smoking in the basement I’m tryna figure how I’m fucking supposed to make rent Wondering since you died, if you would change how all your time was spent Cause I don’t wanna die and wanna change how all my time was spent
7.
The Plan 03:27
I guess I shouldn’t hesitate To learn all that I can, before it might be too late I guess I thought I might’ve been there by now I guess I didn’t know it’d be so hard Telling my momma I’m gonna make you more proud Telling myself that I don’t know how As confusing as it seems, we all still have our dreams One day I’m gonna wake up in me someday Cause if I don’t, I’d rather not wake up at all The hardest thing that I’ve learned Is to love me even though it hurts Cause not being able to love me just seems worse And It can’t get worse than being ignored I’m sick of being ignored, why was I always ignored? I’m not standing here for my health To my sisters, I have cried. For my father, I have died And ever lover who’s put their fucking hands around my neck Why aren’t you sorry yet? One day I’m gonna wake up in me someday Cause if I don’t, I’d rather not wake up at all The hardest thing that I’ve learned Is to love me even though it hurts Cause not being able to love me just seems worse Low, low, low. I’m sick of feeling so low, low, low I’m tired of acting so hopeless. I’m sick of feeling so broken Low, low, low. I’m sick of feeling so low, low, low I’m tired of acting so hopeless. I’m sick of feeling so broken We live to learn. We live to fight And wait our turn, and do what’s right As confusing as it seems, we all still have our dreams One day I’m gonna wake up in me someday Cause if I don’t, I’d rather not wake up at all The hardest thing that I’ve learned, is to love me even though it hurts And it still hurts. Even if it always hurts Not being able to love me still seems worse
8.
I can’t seem to live my life with consistency, no matter how hard I try, and I don’t know which is worse Feeling like ‘I shouldn’t hurt’ or living so comfortably with pain, that it’s all I feel, and all I look for This! Is my end of the world This! Is me falling apart again Yeah, this! Is just towing the line for me, cause who’m I kidding? People never change Maybe this is just growing up. Friendships keep falling apart for me So maybe it’s naïve to try to think that I should just keep giving. No, it’s my turn, give me time You’re everywhere I wish you weren’t You’re with me every chance you can make it hurt these days, you make everything worse I can’t help being who I am, though I’ve tried so hard I’ve failed at every turn and I, I don’t know which hurts worse They say your past can’t define you. Though, nowadays, they try to undermine you, woah! This! Is my end of the world This! Is me falling apart again Yeah, this! Is just towing the line for me, cause who’m I kidding? People never change Maybe this is just growing up. Friendships keep falling apart for me So maybe it’s naïve to try to think that I should just keep giving. No, its my turn, give me time And I said this! Is my end of the world This! Is me falling apart again Yeah, this! Is just towing the line for me, cause who’m I kidding? People never change Maybe this is just growing up. You said I’d never make it, till my heart just couldn’t take it Friendships keep falling apart for me And nothing that I said would change your mind, or make you kind, or take the time, on me So is it naïve to try to think that I should just keep giving? No, it's my turn, give me time Give me time No, it’s my turn, give me time Piss off, I’m gonna be fine Yeah, it’s my turn
9.
I’m pinning my hope on the edge of September And praying the payoff’s not too far away I’m trying to focus and change for the better Breakdown’s cause breakthroughs, I’m reminded each day I feel dead on arrival. It’s a byproduct of all of this pain bottled up And this pain gets recycled, by my heart’s symphony, save the last dance for misery There must be somewhere else these thoughts could be Instead of in my head, in my chest, cause they’re torturing me Yeah, I’m sick to death, sick to death I’m just tryna be happy, yeah, I’m the life of the party Now I’m telling myself that they can’t all be bad days And someday, I’ll look back, when things make more sense And I’ll see myself there, through the tears, and the heartache And reach out to grab my own heart, with two hands Cause the smoke is clearing, or maybe the wind has just changed directions Either way, it’s relieving, cause you can’t wait forever But you can’t live your life on the run There must be somewhere else these thoughts could be Instead of in my head, in my chest, cause they’re torturing me Yeah, I’m sick to death, sick to death I’m just tryna be happy, yeah, I’m the life of the party Oh, I tell the truth, but there’s no reason, cause everyone’s a heathen No, no one feels better. No, nobody’s safe Cause if you’ve seen what I’ve seen With emotions like tsunamis You’d change your perspective, before you got buried in pain And OH! You’d better act fast! Because, your youth doesn’t last, now it’s all in the past So I’m pinning my hope on the edge of September And praying the payoff’s not too far away I’m trying to focus and change for the better Breakdown’s cause breakthroughs, I’m reminded each day And so, if nobody hears me My soul will still echo with the wrinkles in time In a place where everything’s dancing The day casts the shadow to remind us we’re part of the night
10.
The Coal 03:59
Well, maybe it’s your time. Time to fight, time to feel To do not just what’s right, but what will help you heal Cause now that the storm has lifted, it’s left you with this view What the hell will you do? And I think you oughta know the truth hurts Darlin, the truth hurts. You don’t believe it can get any worse But sometimes, it just only gets worse, and you oughta know that by now You’ve gotta fight just as hard as you can, both fists on the table And you’ve gotta know when it’s time to let go, just as soon as the rain falls Oh! I wash up on the stone, leave me alone like the evergreens, so in time, I too, may grow And growth, tends to have a price You’re curbing the habit, and cutting the dead weight cause Maybe it’s your time. Time to fight, time to feel. To do not just what’s right, but what will help you heal Cause now that the storm has lifted, it’s left you with this view What the hell will you do? And I think you try to make your words hurt Yeah, I think you like knocking me down You’re daft if you think that it’s working You’re not an anchor, I’m not gonna drown No, nobody ever held me back You’ve gotta learn how to focus your goals, to harness your power And you’ve gotta know when they’re just blowing smoke, tryna knock down your tower Oh! Trust and believe, those you love can be thieves, and what they take, it doesn’t come back easily So take everything that I have, but there’s no use in smiling in my face while you’re stabbing me in the back Right in the back, you preplanned the attack. Are you ready to fight for this? Cause I can’t shake the feeling maybe it’s my time Time to fight, time to feel. To do not just what’s right, but what will help me heal Cause now that the storm has lifted, it’s left me with this view It’s up to you what you do
11.
Harvestman 04:45
There they are, the harvestman Kicking up their dust again Of nature’s call, in crows canyon These souls sewn in by gusts of wind Harvestman. Harvestman These females of the desert, grow so strong by the right hand But these cowards in the distance, sound like treason to me, friend And I could not see, for centipedes, drove thistle by the grove To rivers green, and clovers weaved, these weary feet grow old Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. para hoy y para siempre I belong to the mountain Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. el sol llamará al corazón de la luna bring me back again Oh, when you take me, bring my bones to the mountain The coyotes still will sing to me, if they can see the stars I feel their pulse inside me, Autumn’s strange, familiar frost And I could not speak, for Aspen leaves, stuck bitter to me, cold And I could not leave, or shake the fear, of death’s ferocious pull Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. para hoy y para siempre I belong to the mountain Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. el sol llamará al corazón de la luna bring me back again Oh, when you take me, bring my bones to the mountain I smell it now, it’s everywhere. It’s part of who I am This soul it weeps, when trouble speaks, through warbler’s beaks again And I could not grow, for cottonwoods would clog the crick below And I could not ask to take things back when it begins to snow Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. para hoy y para siempre I belong to the mountain Harvestman! It’s a harvestman. el sol llamará al corazón de la luna bring me back again Oh, when you take me, bring my bones to the mountain A Meager stack of lilacs wrapped, found placed upon my door The harvestman comes now for me, as fire greets the stars And I could not grieve, for silently, I knew just where we’d go But after that, the dark comes fast, least that’s just what I’m told Yeah, that’s just what I’m told
12.
I’ve done this before Pushed away from it all I never had a chance The regrets just don’t hurt Like you figured they would Yeah, this ain’t my first time Oh, I wanna know where the lightning ends When it streaks across the sky Yeah, I wanna know where who I am Meets what I’ve left behind No, you’ll never get it back Where you’ve been keeps What you’ve lost Yeah, there is no real conclusion Are we memories, or thought? Are we memories or thought? Are we memories or I’ve done this before Pushed away from it all Yeah, I never had a chance

credits

released November 30, 2020

Produced, written, guitar, vocals, bass: Erin ‘Incoherent’ Cookman
Produced, recorded, mixed, photography and artwork: Bill Nobes
Drums and additional percussion: Chris Olsen
Of Roaches & Roommates cello, 25 and The Fog bass: Nikki Nailbomb
Harvestman upright bass: Skelly
Of Roaches & Roommates drums: Joe Falcey
Assistant mix engineer: Vincent Troyani
Recorded and mixed at The House of Robot, Wrightstown, NJ
Mastered by Jason Livermore at The Blasting Room, Fort Collins, CO

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Erin Incoherent Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Punk rock singer-songwriter in South Philadelphia.

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